Divorce and a Children Mental Readiness

"Mom .. why do we now live with Grandma? Mom, where Daddy lived? Why not with us anymore. Dad must be lonely, let us stay with him again, I miss him .. "

Read the conversation above example we can certainly imagine what might have happened to the family,

a divorce!

When a divorce occurs is a very critical time for a child's psyche, especially regarding the relationship of parents who are less harmonious and had not lived together. Various questions and feelings raged in the heart of a child.

At this time the child also should begin to adapt to the new changes in his life. Ordinary things felt by a child when his parents divorced is insecurity, unwanted or rejected by parents who went, sad and lonely, feeling very lost, angry and guilty to blame themselves as the cause of his parents divorced.

Feelings above by children can manifest in a variety of properties and behavior in the future. Became angry and aggressive with the likes rough, or be a quiet boy, not cheerful and not hang up on stage like trouble concentrating because often fantasized hope parents will reunite.

Adaptation process generally takes time. At first the children would be difficult to accept the fact that her parents are no longer together. Although many children who can adapt well, but many are still troubled even after years of divorce.

Divorce is a painful ending for the family is often the parties involved, including the children. And divorce can also cause stress and trauma to start a new relationship. According to research (Holmes and Rahe), divorce is the second highest cause of stress, following the death of a spouse.

Readiness of Children Facing Divorce.

In general, divorced parents will be better prepared to face divorce than their children. This is because before they divorced usually preceded process long thought and consideration, so already there is a mental and physical preparation to deal with it.

But not so with the kids. Them to suddenly have to accept the decisions made by their parents without previously have an idea or a shadow that will change their lives.

Problems that they previously might only know her parents are fighting, there may even children who have never seen their parents fighting because both her ​​parents are very neatly cover the existing problems so that children do not feel scared.

Sometimes, divorce is the only way for parents to be able to continue to live life as they wish. But whatever the reason, divorce is always bad consequences in children, although in certain cases divorce is considered the best alternative than letting the children are in family life (marriage) is bad.

If that divorce is the only way and can not be avoided then consider what should parents do to reduce the negative impact on the mental and psychological development of a child due to the divorce. In other words, prepare the children to be able to adapt rapidly to changes in their lives that will happen.

"... The quarrel in a family, whatever the reason and shape, will make the children feel scared..."

What Parents Should Do

Successfully or not, a child adapt quickly to changes in life is determined by himself. What he thought of his parents' divorce and see how facing divorce.

For divorced parents may be difficult to intervene in children because it depends on the nature of the child. But as a parent should help the child to a good view of divorce, perhaps by maintaining communication and a good relationship with them.

Here are some suggestions for parents so that their children can quickly adapt to changes in life

(if the divorce had to be done) :

1. When parents divorce has a plan, immediately inform the child that will be a change in his life. Tell them that they are no longer living with his father or mother.
2. Before parting invite children to see his new residence (if it must be moved)
3. Keep the routine day-to-day activities in a child has not changed, as dropping to school or to take the children to go play at the weekends.
4. Explain to the children that the divorce is not the child's fault. And also explain to them about the divorce with simple language. This explanation may need to be repeated when the children get older.
5. Reassure the child that he always remembered, loved and always in the hearts of each parent.
6. Both parents are regular design meetings, definitely and consistently until the child is able to adapt. Keep parenting together to the exclusion of disputes.
7. Allow the child to express his emotions. Give emotional response to the child with affection. Children may be confused and asked, answer the question with simple answers are good and patient.

Bit of advice above shows clearly the importance of cooperation and the presence of a parent for a child. And the suggestion above is not an easy thing to do, especially if the divorce begins and ends with dissension and hatred of each other. The desire to attract children to one party and against the other party will be very prominent on the model of the divorce. It's a selfish individuals who think only about themselves and not think about the welfare and future of children.

If a divorce is inevitable, then you should make the divorce a divorce that is not too detrimental to the children.

"... The children need love and affection from both parents "

For those of you parents who are in the process of divorce or already divorced, try to always think about the future of your children so as not to be displaced. Be the parent who always wanted to be a part of the lives of their children ...